I'm So Confused
by Kanes Mistress
Summary: A little thing I wrote about Kane. How I feel about him. Please r/r! But If you ask me I think I need help! LoLz
1. Default Chapter

I'm so confused.  
  
I think about you 24/7. You're on my mind all the time. I love you. Or so I think. I have a site dedicated to you. My room is dedicated to you. My soul...my body is dedicated to you. I say how much I love you every night, and yet...I get no answer. I drift off to sleep, and I dream about you. In my dreams we're a very happy couple. Age doesn't matter. Looks don't matter either. We are together all the time. We get phsyical...and yet, it's not a must. Just being around you makes me happy. Makes me feel like I'm the luckiest person on the planet. It gives me a reason to live. Then my alarm clock goes off, and I wake up. It's all a dream. It's always a dream, and never anything more. I look at pictures of you, dying to see your sexy body, and unmasked pictures. I look at the one picture that haunts my mind all the time. Yes, the one where you're at an autograph session, looking hot as ever. No mask. Just one hell of a huge smile. Only thing is there's a gold band around your ring finger. Yes, you belong to someone else. You don't love me. You don't even know I exsist. I'm just a fellow Kanenite. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less. If I died today, would you care? No...no you wouldn't, Kane. You wouldn't even know that I was dead. Hell, you don't care bout me, do you? The only time I'm happy is in my dreams. You don't love me. I'm just a stranger to you. If you passed me in the streets, would you say hello? Or just keep on walking? I know what you'd do. You'd just keep on walking. And then go home to your wife. And screw her. Forget all about me. It's never about me. I love you more then anyone else. And yet...I've never met you. Why's this? Why must I be so crazy for you? I've got a boyfriend. I've got someone that loves me, just as much as I love you. But why have a chose to love you and not him? When I kiss him, I picture you. When I make out with him, I picture you. Why's this? Am I going insane? Am I crazy? Do I need help? I don't know. But why must I think about you all the time? Lot's say that there's a thin line between love and hate. It hurts me to say this but...I hate you Kane. I hate you Glenn. You're just a waste of my time. But no matter what I say negative about you. No matter what I do. Even if I tear down my posters, and pictures of you...it won't matter. Because as much as I try and convince myself that you're not worth my time. That I hate you, it's not true. I love you. I'll always love you. You'll always have a place in my heart.  
  
And then I think of our age difference. A good 20 years. It's going to tear me apart. You see, when you retire from wrestling...I'll be watching it. When you die, I'll be alive. But my soul...my soul will die with you. Why's this? Why does it have to happen like that? Why can't I just love Andrew like I love you? He loves me, he can offer me, and give me what you'll never give me. And yet, when I'm with him, you're always in my mind. It's like cheating on him. But how can he fight for me, if the person I'm in love with isn't there? Isn't alive in my world???  
  
Kane...I hate to say this but...I hate you. You've hurt me so much. We need to go out separate ways. I'm over obbessed with you, and it's not good. I see you on T.V. and I practically go crazy, and nuts! I'll practically get an orgasm just seeing you wrestle, or on T.V. Why's that?   
  
Kane...I hate you. I want to end this little thing of mine on that note, but my fingers, they just won't let me. I don't want to end on a bad note. But...I have to. I have to for Andrew. I've already called him Glenn. And then Kane. One more strike...and I'm out. What's wrong with me? Kane, you're screwing up my life.  
  
And yet, I love you. But then again...I hate you. I hate you because I can't have you. And I want you so much. I'd give up everything for you. And yet, you don't even care about me.  
  
When I was at the mental hospital, and I tried to kill myself. I stopped because of you. Not because of Andrew. Or my friends. Or my parents. But because of you. And yet, you don't even know that you saved a life. You don't even care about me. Then again, did you actually save a life. Maybe I'll just repeat trying to kill myself. Then again maybe not. But if I do it'd be because you don't even know I exist. I can't stand that fact, Kane. I can't stand that. I have to touch you. To see you. I kiss your posters, but it's nothing compared to the real thing. I have to have you. I need you. I want you. You are what I live for. Not Andrew. Not my parents. Not for me. Not for my friends. But for you, Kane. And the worst part is you don't even know I'm here. You don't even know that I breath the same air that you breathe.  
  
Kane...I love you. No. Kane...I hate you. 


	2. Death is a wonderul thing, right?

I could write a million things about you. About how I wish we were together, but I'm not. Besides, actions speak louder then words. So I drift off to a place where everything is great. In my dreams. I dream about us. How we're the happiest couple ever. We have it all. But then, once again my alarm clock wakes me up. I get up, and get out of bed. I smile at all the pictures of you surrounding me. I block you from my mind. Then again...do I?   
  
Everyday that I can't have you. Everyday I go on living my life in the world, just knowing that you're somewhere out there, it hurts.  
  
So I've decided to finally end all this pain. I grab all of my Kane posters and pictures, putting them all around my bathtub, while filling up the bathtub with hot water. When that's done, I play your music on my CD Player, as I get into the tub. I look up at my favorite picture, as we make eye contact. But wait. No we're not. You were just looking into the camera, not at me. You don't even know that I'm here looking at your pictures.   
  
I suck it up, an realize that the best way to go is with a razor. I expose my wrist, and slice through it with a sharp razor blade. The blood trickles out of my skin...but it's too slow. I make another cut into my skin, as the blood starts gushing out. That's it. Only a few more minutes until I get away from you, Kane. I look up at all of your pictures, as the tub fills up with blood. Before I drift off to an eternal sleep, I look at the picture, where we make eye-contact. And before I go...I once again realize that you were just looking into the camera, and not at me.  
  
That's it. My life is over. Or is it? I drift off to heaven, and I look down on the world, thinking my problems are gone.  
  
I frown, as I watch my funeral. Sure, Andrew, my friends, and family are all there, hurt, and crying. But where are you? Why aren't you at my funeral? Because you don't even know I exsist. The person responsible for my death isn't even at my funeral. Instead you're off spending some quality time with your wife. That hurts me, Kane.   
  
I gave up everything for you. I died a virgin. I had the greatest life ever, I was smart, beautiful, and had a loving boyfriend. We were going to get married. But no. That all changed because of you. Thanks alot Kane.  
  
Now I'm forced to watch you and you wife show each other how much you love each other every single day of my enternal life up in heaven. That's my punishment for killing myself because of you. If I'd known that, I wouldn't have done it. But death...death is unreversable.  
  
Oh well. Your life goes on, Kane. Just forget about me. Although, that shouldn't be hard, seeing as you never even knew I exisited. Kane...I loved you. I could've made you the happiest man alive. But no. You don't even know me.  
  
Kane...I love you.  
  
Kane...I hate you. 


End file.
